0811

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Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:09:07 GMT

I've got 6 tests and a report all coming up within 3 weeks. I don't know why I'm not dying of stress yet. I think I really need to kick-start my stress pathway and go full gear with the work. :/ It's so hard to monitor your progress when you have no friends in your course... You don't even really know what work you're supposed to be doing at a certain time, or a certain day, or a certain week.

Oh well...The only thing that keeps me calm is making myself believe that it wouldn't really matter at the end of the day. Even if I graduate without a degree good enough, or get a job that doesn't pay enough, I can always try harder until I find a job that does......... Ugh. Or just try my luck at the Integrated Resort.

Everything Else But Work

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:21:06 GMT

I've been busy...not with work, cos by the time I'm done procrastinating and ready to start work, I gotta leave and do something else (like you know, eat...shower...sleep...)

I'm becoming less Singaporean, and (un?)fortunately turning more local each day.

I was just thinking about what OLLie was telling me about her foreign colleague and how some stuff got to her. I understood what she meant because that's exactly the way they are sometimes and I used to be so affected by those little quirks/habits of theirs. But recently it hit me that those stuff don't really get me as much anymore, and I don't even really notice them most of the times. And scarily enough, I think I'm becoming more like them.

Things like...

- feeling ok that they ask how I am but don't really care.

- having to ask them how they are and not really caring.

- actually subconsciously updating myself on my mental/physical/emotional well-being every few hours so that I can answer how-are-you questions quick enough before they get distracted with their own things.

- not feeling guilty lying about saying "I'm good".

- not being shy to ask for help.

- not feeling guilty for refusing a kind offer.

- being able to recognise that people are not as earnest as they seem but it is ok.

- being fine with pissing people off.

- being fine with being selfish.

- getting used to tummy rumbles (I swear there's sth about the food here) and saying "excuse me" every single time.

- in fact, saying "excuse me" almost all the time because there always seem to be an occasion where you'll have to leave the dining table, or apologise for your uncontrollable burp, or excuse yourself even from the kitchen/bedroom/study room.

- in fact, just being obsessively polite in general.

- getting ready to elbow someone while walking on the streets because some people crash into you all the time (at least in my area).

- stealing milk.

- tea + biscuits all the time.

- eating fuck loads.

Having said all that, I must say that some of them are mixed with just becoming an adult. Which brings me back to my very first paragraph on how I'm busy with many other stuff but not work. Well, I guess procrastination due to anxiety from school is not something I can rid off easily.

It's sometimes a bit weird having to take care of every other aspect of your life now that your family isn't with you. I mean, I had to do that last year as well, but since I was in halls, a lot of things were taken care of. Which means: food was given, public areas were cleaned, laundry days didn't really exist because clothes keep getting re-worn to save money and time.

But now I gotta
cook,
help with house chores,
take care of people in the house (not really, but just make sure they're not unhappy because I live here),
take care of Tods (long story, but he's high maintenance...will talk about this later),
take care of myself (sleep is important, addict, as much as you hate it on some days).

Anyway...About Tods. I won't go into the details about anything here cos too many people know about it and I still enjoy my anonymity here. :P Basically he's got an illness that leads to a lot of health risks and problems daily.

Couple of days ago, something happened and I was the only one at home with him. I was so scared but I actually managed to think and call the ambulance. (Sidetracking, wow...999 is amazing. The person picked the phone up without a single ring, that I thought it was an operator at first.) I thought he was going to die because I had no fucking idea what was going on initially. I think at a point, I screamed into the phone. Hrm.

Ambulance took forever to arrive and by the time they did, he was asleep and snoring (haha..it's really funny to think about it now because even his friends commented on how that's such a "Tods' thing to do".) Paramedics came up and woke him up and gave him checks while I made him toast and tea.

He's fine now, but it may happen again if he's not careful. I've been nagging him about every single lil thing for the past couple of days and I've been a full-time girlfriend since Thursday. Only said bye to him this morning (Tuesday). So, yea...I'm absolutely exhausted. Have been waking up mutiple times in the middle of the night to make sure he's okay, and waking up early to make him breakfast. Today's our one month anniversary but I cancelled tonight's dinner cos I just need a break and I really need to get some work done.

I just realised I've never blogged about how I got drunk one night about a few days after we started going out. He was having a school society meeting and they had pub night after that. He got me to join them and I got so drunk. It was that night when I told him I loved him (awww... Wait, why did I just aww over myself?) But as for the less romantic stuff: I fell off the chair and puked on the streets (I didn't even know until he told me...). Fell off the bus and puked even more at home. Probably worth it, cos the next day he told me he loved me too. :)

Stops Being Lazy

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:05:19 GMT

I know I haven't been updating much...But that's cos there's nothing I really want to say! Ok, there are...it's just takes up too much time to do that. So ok, here are some stuff...

- I spend way too long thinking about how to cook something. It annoys me greatly. I've been thinking about how I should cook this chicken for ages and I finally got it done today. I made sure I cooked enough for the next 4 meals I'm gonna have at home.

- My obsession with cereal is still not over. I now can tell the difference between 3 different brands of Fruit n Fibre. Kelloggs wins. After this pack, I shall try another brand.

- I shall call the boyfriend Tods.

- Today I had a craving for the salmon caesar salad in the union. I went there, placed my order, sat down. Turned my head around and saw f-ing KG there with another girl. I tried to cancel my order but it was too late...Had to pass by him when I went to collect my food. I'm sure that girl is not his new gf cos KG probably enjoys his singlehood. I just feel irritated that every time I bump into KG, I'm always alone and looking so unloved. I mean, how not unloved can I look eating a plate of food all alone at a table for 4?

- I think one of the reasons I've been blogging little is because I couldn't come up with a name for Tods until just 5 minutes ago.

- I just thought of something Tods said which really made me laugh:
"Can we not talk about *Tod's ex-gf*"
"Hm? Why? I thought you didn't mind..."
"It's awkward..."
"Oh...How?"
"I dunno...It's like going to Tesco and passing them your Nectar card instead of your Tesco card -- awkward."

- I really hate seeing KG in school. It puts me off so bad. I try to ignore his presence but it's quite hard when his voice is so bloody loud.

- I realise my points have been alternating between Tods and KG.

- Tods is such a long name to type.

- Oh look, there I go again.

- Ok, something other than the two of them: Hm...Cereal?

- Birthday was really boring this year. Spent half of it with Tods' family who came to town. After they left, we went to the supermarket and he bought me a bottle of champagne. So we spent the other half of the day drinking at his place. I was drunk by 6pm and we went for a boring dinner and drank some more. I could barely sit upright at the table. I kinda forgot what happened after that but I just remember crying and talking too much.

- And no-one else over here remembered my birthday on the day itself. Just shows my lack of friends. Girls 1 and 2 didn't remember. In fact, Girl 1 just realised it today after seeing my other facebook posts. Now you know how sad my social life is considering I take her to be my closest friend in school.

- Oh, not a single birthday present this year as well. (Yea, Tods didn't get me any...Oh well) There wasn't even cake or anything. Even my 18th birthday was better despite having to study for A levels because at least my mum bought me cake... :(

- Right, enough of self-pity. It's just a fucking birthday. Moving on...

- I have postponed the starting time of work for about 7 hours already. Cool.

- Alright, I should start now.

Cereal

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 10:18:29 GMT

I had 4 bowls of cereal at 11pm last night. It's such comfort food.

Arp

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:23:55 GMT

Do you have friends who just fucking refuse to bring the stuff they've held on to for ages? For almost 2 months, I've been trying to get KG to bring the stuff I left with him during summer. I've been asking him every single bloody day. He would always NOT BRING IT.

For many days I've just been greeting him with, "Please. Just bring it tomorrow. Just lift the bag off the floor when you're about to head off to school. JUST LIFT IT UP." I don't even bother to add a "hello" in front of that. These days I've just shorten the whole thing to a "Please." every time I see him.

He would go "Okok. I will tomorrow." every single time. Bloody motherf. The bag of stuff is JUST ON THE FLOOR OF THE LIVING ROOM. HE IS JUST SOOOO BLOODY LAZY TO BRING IT COS EVERY DAY SEEMS LIKE A BAD DAY TO CARRY SOMETHING EXTRA TO SCHOOL.

I think if he doesn't bring it by this week, I'm gonna make a special trip down to his remote grand bachelor's pad just to collect my stuff.

Sometimes I'm glad he's so shit. It makes getting over him so easy. It's like there is nothing to miss about him at all! Sometimes you date a guy and then even though it turns out badly, you may still miss a particular song or food you both enjoyed. With KG, there have been barely any romantic moments that even those songs that may remind me of him just bring out feelings of annoyance.

Right. Enough about him.

Can you imagine I actually trust and love - (dammit wth should I call him here?) more than I ever trusted and loved KG? But I think it's kinda scary when things are going good...It's like *insert peaceful countryside music* and then BAM! Someone gets killed.

F.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:28:22 GMT

I am very very worried for my school work. I can't remember how to study!!! And I just don't seem to f-ing care anymore!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ok people, don't nag. Just tell me I'll be fine.

Happy

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:55:25 GMT

I'm still not getting proper sleep, and I'm lagging in my school work, but I'm happy to have him.

He came over last night and was appalled that all the stuff in my computer hadn't been updated. It was quite funny... "What?! Version 7.0?!" Oh, and boast-worthy news: Recently he just appeared in a local newspaper in his state, and he's gonna get a radio interview this coming Tuesday. I'm wondering if I should skip my lecture to go with him for the interview...I think I will. My boyfriend's getting interviewed by a radio station wtf!!

And he says I'm gorgeous all the bloody time. Even when I took my makeup off. Ever since AL, I've never found the confidence to meet people without some makeup. I've never really taken my makeup off in front of KG throughout those 9 months. Cos on days when I wasn't, he'd always notice and touch my marks . But with the new boyfriend (I need to give him a nickname soon), I've only met him like what...5 times? I was of course a bit worried that he'd be like AL...but wow, he wasn't at all.

Him: What? They look like freckles. They're cute. I like freckles. You're really pretty.

Me: They don't look like freckles at all. -_- They're much worse and you can't see properly cos your face is right in front of me!

Him: No...I've been looking at you the whole morning. You're still gorgeous. You don't need makeup.

I guess I should take what guys say with a pinch of salt. But you know, he hasn't run away yet and that's all that matters.

All right, I need to get work done before I go meet him again tonight.

Ahhhh <3

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 18:41:50 GMT

Yesterday I went to his place and he cooked for me. His flatmates even KNOW MY NAME ALREADY WTF and said "Hi addict" when I arrived. God. KG's flatmates don't even give me a second glance.

We were in his room drinking beer (I need to cut down on the alcohol, seriously), and we had this conversation:

Me: Hm...I kinda worry whether I'm taking this too seriously.

Him: Yea? I think you don't take us seriously enough.

Me: I don't? Why do you say that?

Him: Hmm...cos you haven't changed your facebook status yet. :)

Me: :) Neither have you.

Him: I am serious about us. Are you?

Me: Yea.

Him: Do you want to go out?

Me: Yea.

Him: :)

Me: So...I'll be expecting an email notifcation from Facebook later tonight then.

(And yep, I did receive one! I've never received a relationship confirmation before!!

So-and-so said on Facebook that you two are in a relationship. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, in a relationship with so-and-so.

To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below...)

I've not been treated so well for ages and I've not been crazy about a person so much for ages. And he remembers my birthday already. He's so cute, so geeky, so loving. Keeps asking me if I wanna go to this and that with him, keeps asking when I'm free this week.

And today, he travelled to my school for brunch with me and he crashed the lecture I had after brunch. He had school after that in the afternoon, and I was about to head home when he suggested that I go with him to his school to attend lessons with him. And so I did. Crashed two of his lectures and he decided to skip the last one. His lectures make absolutely no sense to me. It's quite scary to know that there are areas I would never ever put effort to comprehend in my whole life. Majority of the students are boys and it's quite amusing to see them noticing there's a girl in the lectures.

So now I'm back home, and trying to get my mind off him (I feel like I'm 14 or something -- it's fucking insane). I need to get down to do my work cos I have a test the day after tomorrow. I do hope I manage to get some decent rest tonight. I've not slept well for 3 days in a row thanks to him. In fact, I only slept 3 hours last night, woke up, and couldn't fall asleep again.

I just wish he wasn't so tall though...He makes me look shorter more than ever. And everybody on the streets looks/stares at us....... When I stand in front of him, my eyes are looking at his stomach. IT IS THAT RIDICULOUS. It makes me feel really self-conscious, but I just can't seem to like him any less.

So there you go. Something that seemed almost impossible but actually happened and messed my sanity up within 3 days flat.

Hungry

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:30:50 GMT

I barely had any proper food for this weekend at all. It's incredible. Yesterday I had 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, 6 prunes for lunch, a croissant for dinner, another bowl of cereal for supper. Today I had 1 bowl of cereal for breakfast, mi goreng for lunch, 4 prunes for dinner.

Now that I'm out of milk, the only things left in my fridge is the bag of prunes, and Heinz ketchup. I think I may just starve to death in about 3 hours. Need...more...prunes...

Err..Wow?

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:22:31 GMT

Wow, he really likes me. Ok, so it's only been one day. But he's very enthusiastic. I couldn't stop thinking about him either. I hope the enthusiasm would last for as long as possible. We're meeting up tomorrow, and then he's gonna come down to my area on Tuesday to catch me for brunch even though it's going to be only 2 hours before we have to part.

I don't really know what to say. Too good to be true, maybe?