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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Stars Don't Shine For Me
Having nothing to do makes me irritable. I'm irritated because:
1. Some irritating cam-whore has the same camera as I do. It makes me feel like I=cam-whore somehow even though it's not supposed to be that way.
2. I'm not pretty and so I don't cam-whore.
3. I'm not pretty.
4. Looks are important unless you are some cool shite.
5. I am no cool shite.
6. I am just shit.
7. I am stuck in the game and it doesn't have a walkthrough. Now I have to delete it.
8. I have to go to school tomorrow.
9. I hate it when people keep saying I'm lucky. It's not in the I'm-happy-for-you-tone but in the oh-how-I-wish-you-weren't-lucky tone. They are not unlucky either.
10. My right ear hole hurts like shit because I pulled the newly-pierced earring out.
11. I don't bother to hang out with people.
12. Nobody asks me out.
13. I can't be bothered with the relationships I have with other people around me.
14. They can't be bothered too.
15. I think I'm gonna have my period at Italy. While people are taking photos, I'll be in the toilet washing my stained pants.
16. Ignorant Friend is not gonna appreciate Italian hunks with me. She's just gonna mention about the girls which will push -40 self-esteem to -60 self-esteem.
17. Kenny isn't online.
18. He doesn't really care about me.
19. He has a girlfriend.
20. I have nothing to do at home.
21. I only have 1 month and 10 days left of holidays before horror starts and I stop living.
22. JC life is gonna suck.
23. I am short.
24. I don't have a good figure.
25. I don't know what to do for Kenny's birthday.
26. I'm gonna be Internet-deprived pretty much soon.
27. The tour guide is a male.
28. I am leaving my mother alone in Singapore.
29. I can't get myself to enjoy.
30. You are not really reading this.
31. You are irritated by my lousy attitude.
32. You are not Kenny.
33. You were expecting something interesting from me.
34. I still feel like shit.
I was running. It was some sort of competition. I hate running. I don't know how I did it, but I lasted till the end and I actually turned out 3rd in the whole school. Not only that, people told me that because I didn't stop running or something throughout, I was going to be awarded Gold, while the 1st and 2nd people are not.
That wasn't the amazing thing. The amazing thing was that my classmates were happy for me. Yea, and that's fucking amazing. In real life, all I'm asking for is for those go "Eh, I run with you ok?" to stick with their promise and not sprint off half-way without a word because they want their award.
I got irritated by someone I know. And I saw something that would never happen in Singapore. The traffic light was red, the green man was on. But the cars just kept going! I couldn't cross the road. :(
Edit 22 Nov 05: This post was drafted on 20th itself. But I didn't dare to post it because of the following story.
Now here comes the interesting, lovey dovey, and horny part. It was filled with so much desire...Scary.
It involved the Mediacorp actor, Thomas Ong. Don't ask me why. I'm not even interested in him.
I came out of the shower. My clothes were in the room, but he was in the room as well. Instead of wrapping the towel around my body, I just covered my front with it and went into the room. (I won't do that in real life ok?)
He looked at me, not too sure what to do for a moment. I sat down on the bed, waiting for him to leave so that I can put on my clothes. But he didn't, and somehow I didn't want him to leave as well. It's like we both wanted to make use of the situation...
I supposedly loved him. I knew the feeling was mutual although we both never admitted it. That intense moment! Ooh...But in my head, I didn't know what to do. Should I have sex with him or not? What if I did and regretted it? I came to a conclusion that it was just wrong and I knew I couldn't do such a thing. So I left the room reluctantly.
I got myself clothed somehow. I started to regret not spending time with him. I liked that feeling. I wanted to have sex with him because I loved and yearned for him.
I knew he was ashamed of himself and felt embarrassed too after I left the room. I didn't want him to feel that way. After some time, I returned to the room. He was sleeping. Or at least faking it. I crawled up onto the bed. He opened his eyes. We've never made our feelings known to each other. I wanted to tell him that I liked him by molesting hugging him. But before I could, some handphone rang or something.
I don't know whether I should be glad or not that I still have my morals and integrity even when I'm dreaming. But right now, am not too happy about it. What if I remain a virgin in real life forever? I wouldn't even let myself dream of having sex. Currently, I still feel that "love" I have for him. Annoying.
Kenny: I don't go on MSN if I wanna blog or if I wanna work. That thing is evil.
Rough breakdown of Kenny's day:
work for 8 hours,
blog/work again for 2 hours,
go out for 2 hours,
sleep for 6 hours,
eat/drink/shit for 2 hours,
use the Internet/lead a life for 2 hours,
buffer time of 2 hours.
Case (I)
Which means that out of 24 hours, I may have 2 hours to see him at his tagboard when he blogs.
That's a probability of 2/24 = 1/12. But out of 2 occasions, he has to "work again" for one, and the other he gets to "blog".
So that's half of1/12 = 1/24.
But even when he blogs, he may only spend 20 minutes out of 2 hours = 120 minutes at the tagboard.
20/120 x 1/24 = 1/144.
I click his site around...30 times a day. Hanging around for 10 minutes each time. So that's spending a total of 5 hours at kennysia.com. Yes, I'm a loser and I know that.
Chances of seeing Kenny at kennysia.com:
5/24 x 1/144 = 5/3456
Case (II)
Out of 24 hours, he may use the Internet for 2 hours. That's a probability of 2/24 = 1/12. But out of 2 occasions, he has to "lead a life" for one, and for the other, he gets to "use the Internet.
So that's half of 1/12 = 1/24
But even when he uses the Internet, 5/8 chances he would be using MSN. 3/8 he would not be.
5/8 x 1/24 = 5/192
I am online on MSN for 4 hours if I lead a life on that day. If not, I'd be online for 14 hours, like today. (My back's aching. Yes, stop saying I'm a loser already!)
Chances of seeing Kenny on MSN:
14/24 x 5/192 = 35/2304
Conclusion
Chances of chatting with Kenny:
5/3456 + 35/2304 = A really-too-painful-to-be-typed-out figure.
Alright, fine. The probability would be:
115/6912
:(
Then again, we all know that Kenny and I lub dub each other. So the realistic probability has got to be:
Ignorant Friend and I are still not used to the fact that we have absolutely, positively, no work to do.
IF: WHY ARE YOU ONLINE?!
IF: It has become quite of a habit. (Certainly. For the past 1-2 months, it had been her opening line every time I signed in.) IF: Whenever I see you, my first instinct is to ask you that.
Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING ONLINE?!?!?! IF: *GASP* Not studying!! For A levels!!! Me: *GASP*!!! IF: Shit. I think everyone finish studying already. Me: Ugh...Yah lor!!! Stupid idiots. I can't believe we're so slack! And to think we're gonna mug damn hard for A's. IF: Yes! But haiya, still got time lah. 2 more years. Me: But we've already lost out to other people! They've already started! We haven't! Me: Tomorrow wanna go to the library? I intending to start on A levels Chem.
A pity I forgot to take a photo of the mountain of books before they were given away. Very sad. :( Yes, I'm emotionally attached to my books. Especially my Chemistry one. That's why I'm not giving it away. (It's the red book on the right.)
Me: I feel boreddddddd. IF: Study!!!!! Me: For a moment I really panicked. IF: It still feels weird right. Like we can do anything we want without feeling guilty. IF: No homework to do. No comparing what we did (or didn't do) today. Me: It feels too unreal. Me: I keep questioning myself, "Is there really no work/something I hate for me to do?" IF: I keep getting that feeling also. Like maybe there's some schoolwork to do Me: Or maybe there's like lessons, remedials. Me: It's been 3 days since exams ended and we still can't believe it. Me: I think we're too used to feeling shit and stressed and guilty and arghed.
IF: When I signed in I felt so guilty. IF: And when I woke up late I felt so guilty also! Me: Yes!!! IF: The gahmen has finally brainwashed us to feel guilty when we slack.
It was scary to talk to Kenny over MSN. Because it's more personal and even if I flirt with him there, you wouldn't know.
We ended up talking about my favourite topic on my favourite guy. Yucks. So half the time I was holding vomit in my mouth.
He thought I got other crush one leh.
Kenny Sia says:
are you seeing someone at the moment?
scaryyreyrgyewiugweu says:
no
Kenny Sia says:
at school or anywhere.
Kenny Sia says:
really?
Kenny Sia says:
you don't have a crush even?
scaryyreyrgyewiugweu says:
don't have lah
scaryyreyrgyewiugweu says:
only you
Kenny Sia says:
that's not quite normal for a 16 year old!
!
You think I like you play play one ah. I'm serious about you, you know. *sniff* Let me go cry my eyes out over this unrequited love.
We're going to be friends sooner or later. Oh well. He's gonna realise that I'm better off an addict than a friend. A 16-year-old isn't gonna be much of a good friend to an adult. And yah lah, I know he must be thinking that I'd soon realise he's just some normal guy and be very disappointed blah blah blah.
A few days back, when I will still in the midst of my O' Levels, I received a package from my second bro.
I ripped it open. (Okay, maybe not quite. I just exaggerated my excitement level.)
In there was a beautiful hand-made birthday card with messages from my two brothers.
And a pack of jelly beans from Jelly Belly!
Not only is it sugar-free, it also has 40% reduced calorie from the normal Jelly Belly jelly beans! Now you won't have a jelly belly after eating Jelly Belly's jelly beans anymore! Woohoooooo!!
My mother went like, "Huh?! Send from US just send a box of jelly beans?"
I replied, "Yah lor. But still nice what. It's the thought that counts."
And apparantly, thought is very expensive.
Buttered Popcorn Cherry Green Apple Juicy Pear Lemon Licorice Pineapple Strawberry Tangerine Sizzling Cinnamon
Aww...How colourful, cute, and happy!
Of course, I had to try every single one of them. That was a dreadful procedure. Because despite how happy they look, these jelly beans are nothing but bitter and whiny little kids inside.
It's only nice to hear the flavours of the jellybeans. Like if you told me there's Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans with flavours like earwax, booger, dirt, rotten egg, vomit, of course I'd look at your wide-eyed and go, "WOW!! I HAVE TO TRY ALL OF THEM!"
But when I really taste them, my tongue would probably tie a knot and my stomach would flip. That's the price of satisfying curiosity.
Back to my jelly bean-tasting mission. Before I started, I prepared a bowl of cut apples. It's like my first-aid kit.
Captain Honeystars was there to give me moral support.
Buttered Popcorn - tastes like buttered popcorn. I like this flavour the most.
Cherry - tastes like cherry.
Green Apple - tastes like green apple. Just a little more disgusting than green apple.
Juicy Pear - tastes like pear. Just a little more disgusting than pear.
Lemon - when you first bite into, somehow it tastes like puke. But after that the lemon taste is alright.
Licorice - now I know how shit tastes like.
Pineapple - not nice.
Strawberry - tastes like strawberry.
Tangerine - tastes like tangerine.
Sizzling Cinnamon - tastes like ack. I don't like the strong cinnamon taste in a jelly bean!!
I'm sorry. I suck at giving reviews.
To my horror surprise, they tried to make things fun by telling you new flavours you can churn up by mixing and matching.
So I picked up my courage. And went ahead to explore the new and exciting flavours.
Hey! It does look like the picture of the cinnamon popcorn ball!
Surprisingly, it tasted not bad, and did taste like cinnamon popcorn! Better than eating the cinnamon jelly bean by itself.
No, it just tasted like spiced fruits. There's not even a tea-flavoured jelly bean. How could it taste like spiced tea? The sweetness of the jelly beans cloyed my tastebuds.
I don't know. It's just like drinking down syrup. Actually, eating every one of them is like drinking down syrup! Ack.
It tasted ok. Like syrup again. But I realised this is a good way of clearing the jelly beans!
After my mission was done, I covered the box, not prepared to let the jelly beans see light ever again.
Then I saw this.
Fortunately, being immortal, I didn't experience any stomach discomfort nor laxative effects.
But even then, I know of an unspoken combination that will cause not only stomach discomfort, not only laxative effect, but something worse.
So it was over yesterday. But I came home too late to update.
After the other-people-happy-that-Chem-was-easy-but-I-pissed-that-I-have-this-feeling-I'm-not-gonna-do-well Chem paper, I went out with IF to Orchard Road. So we both cheered up a little. Arrived there at 7pm. Very late! But that's because the paper ended at 5.45pm. :(
I got my ears pierced. It's been 11 years since I last pierced. We went to 77th Street. Pierce ears only what. No big deal!
I know it's weird. But a picture of my ear this big makes me feel vulnerable. Almost as if if you shouted into your computer screen, I'll go deaf.
But damn...it was painful. I wasn't expecting the shot to hurt that much. I got a shock and jumped a little. Heh...That's also because the woman was taking helluva time to aim for the mark. When she finally got down at it, I got a shock.
Edit 9 December 05: Sorry, I had to take down the photos. Just imagine ok?
The second one came fast though it hurt as well.
Currently my piercing at the top hurts more than the one at my soft squishy ear lobe. That's why you can see that my right ear is redder than the left.
Ate at the The Coffee Connoisseur. We faced social discrimination! But that's what you get when you're students in their uniforms.
If you go there, remember to sit on the soft comfy couches that we didn't get to sit on. They look so tempting and suitable for a date. ;) We sat at where the toilet was in its full view. At least from my direction. Yuck. I saw one guy scratching his butt while walking to the toilet.
I was telling IF how nice it would be if I went there with ***** *** and sat at that romantic corner. (Must censor 'cos like that then mysterious mah.)
Should have brought my camera along. We only took pics of the food with IF's handphone.
This is her half-eaten smoked salmon and linguine with mushroom cream. Both of us felt that it didn't taste that fantastic.
This is my beef lasagne accompanied by 2 slices of garlic bread. Mama-Mia! :) That's the name of the dish by the way. I hate it when they give such names to their dishes. It makes ordering embarrassing.
IF kept talking to me and I felt obligated to answer her on the spot. I almost choked 3 times even though my mouth wasn't totally full. That's because the lasagne had so much cheese. And the cheese was extremely chewy and err...chokable if you try to talk.
Never talk during meals, kids!
IF's desert - Decadent Chocolate Mousse. Chocolate mousse with vanilla ice cream and rum jelly. If you're wondering where's the rum jelly, it's around the scoop of ice cream. Yea, those small chunks you see. I tried a few mouths of the chocolate mousse. Not bad to me.
My desert - Gran Sesame Timbale. The only word I know in this name is "sesame". Dried crispy banana slice stuck onto cinnamon ice cream. That's the pastry that envelopes sesame sauce and apple chunks. It's okay...just that my tastebuds were like going on a rollercoaster ride. Especially with the mango sauce. I don't like mango in my desert...
The blueberries and strawberries by the side were far too sour. Especially the blueberries. I almost thought I was eating a lemon. As for that green ball, I didn't eat it. It looked dangerous like how parsley does.
I was telling IF how bad a mistake it was to put mango and strawberry sauces together. Don't you think it reminds you of pus and blood?
We went bra-shopping. Sorry, no pics of my bra because it's personal and I don't want you to know that I wear 26AAA!
Here's the pic of the panty that came with the bra though. ;)
What a tease!
Am not intending to wear it, so I guess it's less personal and I can just post it up here. Heh...
IF commented on how sexy it is because it's like a fine net and it's translucent, "Wear for ***** *** ah?"
Heh heh heh...
Alright alright. I know you wanna see how an AAA looks like. It's damn small ok. So don't laugh at me.
Ugh. I can't wait for this shit to be over. So much so that I'm just sitting around, waiting for time to pass. Get what I mean?
Ok fine. There's no more time to read through the whole textbook. Others have done that like ages ago and have completed their revision papers and what-not. Right on the other side of the planet, IF and I are like "oh, erm...let's read through the TB!"
So yeah. Now I don't even have time to read through textbook at all. I'll have to make-do with reading through summaries of the chapters.
